A Eulogy

Adam Perschbacher
4 min readAug 15, 2024

On July 6th, my mother died suddenly. In the nightmare of the days following, I stole the fictional grief I’d been writing of to cope with the authentic, hollow, world-ending sadness I was dealt. I found solace in my own words, negotiating a way forward in defiance of misery. But, more specifically, I found comfort in the embrace of family and friends and colleagues, and it inspired me to write a eulogy… and to have the courage and composure to read it at her service. I think she would’ve been proud, because I was proud. Of her most of all, but also of all she gave me.

Below are the words.

I didn’t get to know her as long as I wanted. Didn’t get to know her as deeply as she deserved. I trusted, as she did, that we had more time to grow. We trusted that our stories and adventures would last so much longer.

We were undeniably close, akin not just in our perception of the world, our fair-minded, liberal politics and our impulsive, sometimes absurd creativity. It was also a deeper desire for things that made us feel closer to the earth but still somehow adrift in bewilderment and delightfully humbled by the complexities of life. She was a dreamer, aspirationally and literally, seeking things undefinable and new, what could be and what should be. And dreamt of ways to manifest those things herself. She was an artist at heart, and her heart was mine too, and I’m grateful. Now it is in my dreams she awaits and where our adventures will continue.

She grew. And all things grew around her. Her slice of earth was an unending canvas of possibility and she filled it with bold flourishes of tussling, fiery, confident hues. The potential she sought in all things allowed her to see heights unexplored, while also, in depths beneath, seeds that could draw life from within. She saw good in all that was good. And she saw promise in what was yet promised. And, like all parents, she saw the future.

She nurtured man and beast alike. And trusted those men in her life to do right, to celebrate the women in their lives, offering both sturdy companionship and thoughtful tenderness. She gave her boys a foundation of love on which they could build their own futures, and she passed proud of the men they have become.

She leaves a man she both celebrated and nurtured. A husband keen and reliable and righteous, capable of turning the earth that she might have more sun. Steady as stone in the most savage tempest. A kind man of stealth generosity and realism, faithful to his family and friends and beloved far more than he would accept. These two would share with their children the very best of themselves, as only great parents do.

She saw her first child bloom into a warm, forgiving, loyal man. A friend of anyone he meets. A protector of anyone he meets. A champion of anyone he meets. He is dependable and virtuous. An empath. Faithful and resilient. It is a magic distilled from her, and now living within him. His adventure now is to spread that wealth of heart and that boundless compassion and discover how great a strength his mother has given him.

She had a daughter too. Born just over a decade ago when her son fell smitten with a beautiful, witty girl with a passion for roller skates, justice, food, laughter and nature. This girl would change her. Would help her grow. Would give her promise and grace. A gentle yet firm reassurance that the world would turn long after she was gone. That her youngest wouldn’t be alone in dark hours. That he would have someone to share adventures and stories and devotion with. She saw within this daughter an unmistakable light. The same radiant light her youngest boy now follows.

She tended so many animals. And they tended her. An amalgam of love and kinship and purpose that saw her through darkness and strife. Her animals were profound. Devoted. Curious and vibrant.

As was she.

As were the things she made. And sought. And sowed.

She’s now an angelic phantom in all things I see, and all things I love, and all loves I hold close. She will haunt me in the best way. I will know right from wrong and compassion from villainy and creation from war. I will love her so much because it was so much love that she gave me. I thank her for showing me the world and all that was fruitful within. I thank her for grace, a sense of wonder, a sense of beauty, and a sense of what binds these cosmic particles into that wondrous, perfect human.

So now, her wonder lives through us all.

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